Thursday, July 7, 2011

So, this sucks

I knew sending Evan to daycare was going to be hard. I just didn't know it was going to be this hard. It kind of feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. And I guess it is in a way, since Evan is my heart.

Working from home for the past month with Evan around was difficult. I thought it was a good way to make the transition a bit easier. After all, I knew that I would be able to concentrate on work while at work, then on Evan while at home (instead of doing a crappy job of both). But, I think whatever the circumstances are, it's always hard to give your child over to someone else.

I don't feel guilty, and I know I'm not a bad mother. But, I do feel bad that Evan will be the youngest at the daycare by far. Most children around here start daycare at about 1 year, and Evan is only 8.5 months. I kind of feel like we're being robbed of that time together, and it doesn't seem fair.

It just hurts. I know it will get better, and it's good for both of us, blah, blah, blah. I just want to wallow in my heartache for a bit.

This all being said, it seems like Evan is dealing with it all very well. Apparently, he's a lot better dealing with change than his mommy.