Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Stroke Notes

I have a lot of stuff in my head about the stroke, so I'll just do bullet points instead of multiple posts!

- I had an appointment with the neuro-ophthalmologist last week and he confirmed that my vision has 100% corrected itself. I have lots of bad things to say about that doctor, but don't fee like getting into it now. Basically, the guys a douche-canoe.

- I am starting to appreciate some of the things the hospital staff made me do..things that made me mad at the time (like forcing me to eat, testing my reading comprehension and simple math skills, etc.)

- There are a couple things that I saw during my first week in the hospital that I never told anyone about: everyone looked like they had a thick beard on their lower left jaw-line (on my right) --- which makes sense given I had a field-cut in my vision in that quadrant. Also, I could NOT follow a football game, which made me really upset because I love watching football (one thing DH and I love to do together). On top of that, I would see extra players in the lower right corner of the screen. I didn't want to tell anyone about these "visions" because I didn't want to give them anymore reason to keep me in the hospital longer.

- I can really only see how well I'm doing now if I look back to see how bad I was. For example, multitasking was really difficult for me,  or I would make simple math mistakes...and I just thought my mistakes were normal -  and justified them as things everyone could do - but now know differently. This makes me wonder how I'm gong to see myself now when I look back in 6-12 months (or longer).

- One of the only deficit that is really apparent (to me) is issues with speech - again, it's not that the words aren't there, but I can't get them out right sometimes. This is getting better all the time, but it will be interesting to see if it improves to the point where I don't notice. Another one is spelling errors, especially with words with double letters.

- The fogginess and fatigue have basically lifted - it feels good to be present and not exhaust. Of course, I still get tired from having 2 kids, so that won't ever go away ;)

- I have made a conscious decision to distance myself from stroke-related things. I haven't read any books on the subject (though I have some on my to-read list), I have unfollowed FB support groups that I had joined, and even turn away when commercials for the Heart & Stroke Foundation are on TV. In the past, these kinds of things would trigger flashbacks and it's not something I'm comfortable in facing head-on just yet. I still need time to digest things on my own terms, and will come back to these things later when I'm ready. Plus, I just want to live life normally and not have to be a "stroke survivor".