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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

DH is a Unicorn

Cloud, over at Wandering Scientist, wrote yesterday about how a woman can in fact be a feminist and be married with children. She writes about how she is married to a mythical creature, a unicorn (men who take on equal workloads at home), and goes on to list how her and her husband separate their home duties. I think it's a great post and, from the comments, there are a lot of good unicorns out there.

DH is a unicorn. Here's how our duties play out, in no particular order:

- We both work full-time. DH typically works 8:30-5pm, while I do 9-4:30pm. He makes more money. Again, like Cloud said, this really has no impact on how our household duties are split (especially since, in our case, we share our finances).

- I cook dinner 95% of the time. DH cleans the kitchen 95% of the time. I love cooking dinner so this works out for me. I probably come ahead in this deal because it's not like he loves cleaning.

- We are pretty even on the diaper changes and bottle feeding.

- DH does the vast majority of the yard work.

- Last year, DH did the vast majority of the snow removal, since someone had to stay inside the house with Evan. Not sure how this will play out this year, since the snow will have to be removed before we both leave for work in the morning, so Evan will still be in the house.

- I take care of all the bills and finances.

- I act as PR for our household. This includes calling people, extending and accepting invitations, sending out birthday and Christmas cards, making appointments, etc..

- DH drops Evan off at daycare, I pick him up.

- DH takes out the garbage (including putting it and the recycling out on the sidewalk each week for pick-up) and scoops the cat box.

- I put together the grocery list and plan our meals each week.

- I do the laundry.

- We have a cleaning service that comes every two weeks. This is an amazing way to buy some free time (another great post by Cloud) and we don't have to fight about who had to clean the toilets.

- We both do bath time with Evan.

- We both put Evan to bed at night (we both lie down with him in our bed until he falls asleep, then we move him to his crib). I actually really love this time, and I think DH does too.

- If Evan wakes up at night, we try to alternate who soothes him.

- If Evan is sick, he wants his Daddy, and DH is much better at dealing with vomit (I have a bit of a phobia about it). I generally administer the medicine (but DH has to "secure" Evan), and am on clean-up duty.

- If Evan needs to stay home from daycare, we try to split it as fairly as possible - sometimes we'll alternate days, other times one might take the morning shift while the other gets the afternoon. Thankfully, both our schedules are fairly flexible.

- I keep track of things we'd like to buy, DH keeps track of projects around the house.

That's all I can think of. I think we split things relatively equally, but it's not like we have a spread sheet that records who does what and when. We just fell into these roles and it's working for us at the moment.

I'll ask the same question as Cloud did at the end of her post: am I oppressed and just don't see it? Am I really married to a unicorn? What's it like in your house?