Thursday, February 17, 2011

Seconds, Comparisons, and Justifications

Three questions or statements that are common among mothers:

Are you going to have another child?
Are you frickin' kidding me? Evan is not even 4 months old yet. I'm still trying to get a handle on this whole new role I've been thrust into, letting alone even thinking about another child. In fact, DH and I are so happy with one child right now that we're contemplating keeping it that way. At the very least, we'll be waiting 2-3 years before we even think about expanding our family.

My baby is doing ___ - Is yours? / Why isn't my baby ___ yet?

I tend to get caught up in this because I look at other babies that are Evan's age and see that he's a bit behind. Of course he is - he was born 5 weeks early! All babies are different. Just because your baby can roll over doesn't make him any more developed than other babies who aren't. Same goes for the other way around. I just don't get the comparisons, and I'm trying to stop myself from doing it.

I do ___...and before you judge the crap out of me, I do it because of X, Y, and Z.
Before Evan came along, I was so worried about every other parent judging us for our decisions. It got to the point where I would justify my decisions to people before they even asked anything: Am I breast feeding? No, I'm pumping. But I tried so hard to breast feed, but he was born 5 weeks early and he wasn't strong enough to latch properly, and, and, and... But, guess what? No one cares! No one cares that I'm pumping rather than breast feeding. No one cares if he sleeps in his swing during the day. No one cares that we put a blanket on him in his crib --- something we learned from the NICU hospital staff, no less (see? There I go again!). And even if someone did care, most people aren't rude enough to say something, and what's it to them anyway?

I'm starting to become much more laid back about these things because it's just way too stressful and tiring to care.