Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Harder Than I Thought

We started trying again this cycle to no avail, and the negative result is a lot more painful than I expected (for both of us). It has brought a lot of the emotion back from the miscarriage, especially when I think how far along I'd be right now, or when I see/hear about pregnant women or a newborn.

I was very, very angry today. Angry at myself for not being able to get pregnant right away. Angry at Baby G for leaving us in the first place. Angry at the universe for picking us to have to go through this. Angry that we didn't start trying earlier. Angry at anyone who ever has gotten pregnant without even trying.

I know that I shouldn't complain - that, in fact, I'm one of the lucky ones because I can get pregnant. But, I sure don't feel lucky right now. All I feel is anger, sadness, and hopelessness...and that knitting this damn baby blanket is going to be very emotional.