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Saturday, December 19, 2009

Fears

My biggest fear after this whole ordeal is getting back on that TTC (trying to conceive) horse.

How can we start trying again without freaking out? When we were TTC before, it took 3 cycles to get pregnant. Not very long for most, but I think it will feel like an eternity next time. The wait before I can test will be excruciating.

And then, when (if?) we get pregnant again, how are we going to live our daily lives trying not to imagine this happening all over again? The first 12 weeks are going to be so scary, and even after that there is just no guarantee. I just have no idea how I will get through it, and I can see myself just driving myself crazy about every little thing.

I guess these are signs that we are not ready to start trying again. Perhaps we will get to a point where the benefits outweigh the risks, and we'll just decide to go for it.

As for now, we have decided that Baby G will in fact come back to us; that their body may be gone, but their spirit is not. And if we create a new body for them, they will come back. I don't consider myself religious per se, but this thought comforts us greatly.