Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Today Was Better

So, after my tantrum yesterday about how much I hate my life, I had a meeting with my supervisor this morning. I was so distraught that I asked if I could come see him earlier than our normal meeting time.

He knew right away that there was something wrong. So, instead of pretending, I told him that I had no idea how I'm going to get through the next few months and how I just want this whole damn thing to be done and over with.

He paused, looked up at the calendar and said "Hmm...six months before you want to defend? You're right on schedule." Then proceeded to tell me how much he hated his PhD in the last few months, and it's definitely a normal feeling.

We proceeded to talk about this calculation that I just have not been able to wrap my head around. It turned out I was just missing one minor step, and that I basically had the derivation down. At that point I told him that I just feel like I can't figure anything out anymore and I don't know if I'm going to know enough to pass my defense. He said he's not worried about it, so I shouldn't be either.

I then asked him if he thought any more about this conference in Brazil, and he said he thought it was a great idea. I told him my timeline: submit my thesis by July 1st (August 1st at the latest), go to the conference and take a couple extra weeks to travel with DH, then defend in mid-late September. I kind of cringed waiting for his response, but he is completely on board.

So, at least I have something to look forward to for August. I just have to get there...alive.

Even though it was a pretty short conversation, it really made me feel better. It's nice that he's so sure of my abilities that he's okay with me taking off for a few weeks before my defense. Plus, I'd just mope around here for that time, so I might as well do something interesting and enjoyable.

I just have to realize that the next six months are going to suck - I'm going to hate what I'm doing, I'm going to get frustrated with the writing and getting LaTeX to format the way I want it too, I'm going to want to kill my office mates - but, then it'll be over. Then, I can finally take some time to decide what's next.

So, after the meeting and registering for the conference, I went to check out a couple books on comets from the library, and I came home for nap. Too much emotional excitement makes me sleepy.

Tomorrow, I start to go hard-core on paper #2.