HOME    ABOUT ME    RESOLUTIONS    BOOKS    BLOG ROLL    CONTACT

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Randomly on Wednesday

- Still been feeling pretty down about school and stuff since my last appointment with a doctor. I have an appointment with my counsellor to talk about it.

- We went on our first vacation as a family of four! We rented a cottage by a lake nearby and it was glorious! Tough to come home, so we had a couple rough days as we transitioned back to normal life.

- Nothing like having to list emergency contacts who MUST live in the city to make you realize how isolated you are.

- I am in the midst of choosing my courses and schedule for the Fall. I will register in early August. Weird going back to "student" again.

- Tuition is due on August 1st --- UGH! That's gonna hurt.

- I'm taking Evan to his first ever in-theatre movie on Friday! We're going with his best-friend and his mom.

-  In early August, I'm going to a nearby city for a public lecture by Jill Tarter (Jodi Foster's character in Contact was based on her)!

- Just over a month until Evan starts kindergarten and Carter starts daycare!

- My hair is at a very awkward stage.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Kinda Traumatic

I just had a follow-up appointment with my stroke specialist. It was at her clinic, on the same floor I resided on for the first two weeks after my stroke, and it was a bit more traumatic than I expected.

DH was with me, and we were struck with a very medicinal smell as we got off the elevator on the 7th floor and we both were also struck with not very fond memories of the place. It's amazing how much a certain smell can invoke a whole host of memories and feelings.

I felt okay, but when I had my appointment I fell back into the "patient" role. I felt like I  couldn't articulate how well I've been doing, or that maybe I wasn't doing as well as I thought. She asked me what things I still can't do (always the focus at the hospital --- what I CAN'T do.). She seemed very concerned about my moods, and warned me that going back to school might be harder than I expect.

I guess it's part of her job to talk of the negative things, but I just felt so down and a bit demoralized coming out of the appointment. I mean, I just put together this awesome (I think!) scholarship application this week, and am getting excited about our upcoming cottage vacation, but now I wonder if I can handle things as well as I thought.

Then, since I had Carter with me, I decided to do a lap of the floor (just like I used to to test/work my legs when I was there). There were more familiar smells, sounds, and sights that brought me back. It was almost too much when I walked by the high acuity ward and saw a younger women trying to walk with the help of two nurses.

On my way out, I passed the nurses station and ran into the social worker who worked with me there. It took a couple seconds for her to recognize me, but she came over, hugged me, and we had a nice chat. She told me how great it was to see how well I was doing - so at least the visit ended on a positive note.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough though. But, then I got outside, drove home, played with Carter, went to the post office and grocery store, and started to feel normal again.

Sure, I'll always be a stroke patient, I guess...but the doctors never knew how strong, resilient, and smart I am. I can do anything I did before, and will do anything I want to. Yes, school might be stressful, but it's nothing I can't handle.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

9 Months

Carter is 9 months old today, and has taken several "leaps" in the last month!

- He has started to crawl on all fours (but looks like he kind of has one "dragging" behind - but he actually pushes with it). He's very excited to explore absolutely everything in this house!

- He pulls himself up to stand all the time, and can transition well from standing to sitting (with a couple falls from learning that skill).

- He can stand unaided for a few seconds, and has started cruising around furniture.

- He can transition easily from lying down to sitting up.


- He's starting to understand orientation of things. For example, he can put his soother in his mouth himself (YAY!!), and he rotates food like watermelon slices to eat the correct side.

- He has started to use a sippy cup himself, and is getting a bit better (read: not as messy) with his feeding skills.

- He conveys his emotions well! When he's exciting he flaps his arms and claps. When he's frustrated he goes up to the nearest person, bounces up and down on his bum and cries.

- He's been on TV for the first time (during an interview about my stroke experience).

- He has a very clear love for all things Thomas the Train! He stops doing whatever he's doing if Thomas comes on TV. His favourite toys right now are balls, or things that look like balls (like oranges and bubbles).

- He seems to be going through the 9 month growth sport right on schedule (fingers crossed it's short lived!).

- He's interacting more and more with Evan - including rough housing (I see many future years of splitting up fights...


...and a lot of giggling!).


Thursday, July 3, 2014

Curating Notes

I spent last week curating the @PeopleOfLdnOnt twitter account, and I pulled away from other social media so I could focus on the task.

The process of curating an account was really busy but rewarding. I got to "meet" people I normally wouldn't have, and I got to learn a lot about our city and the people in it! If you get the chance to do something like that, try it out!

I learned that I enjoy twitter much more than Facebook. I find it's a much better way to connect with different communities - scientists, writers, locals, etc.. I also find the info posted to be more useful and definitely more interesting, and I find it much easier to keep up with current events. As I switch career paths into education, I'll need to seek out that community on Twitter now too.

Facebook used to be a great place to keep up with friends, old and new, but I've been finding it tedious lately. People are using it more and more as a political/sounding board/annoying quote archive rather than sharing personal updates, and the latter is how I prefer to use FB. My activity there has decreased substantially over the past while, with some "likes", and a comment here and there, and maybe a post a two a week. 

I also backed away from writing/reading blog posts, and I gotta say it was a nice break. I think it shows me that I follow way too many blogs for me to keep up with, so I need to decide what to do there (just follow some on twitter? cut some from Feedly? Only choose a set number per day to comment on?) --- any ideas? 

I still like writing blog posts though, but not sure what I want to aim for in terms of frequency. I'll probably just do what I've always done - write and post when something strikes me, and there will be busy times and more quiet times. Regardless, I will post all of them to my Twitter account, so follow me there too.

How do you use each social media tool differently? Do you take breaks to re-evaluate, or just to "get away"?




Monday, June 30, 2014

Evolving PG Feelings

I was thinking the other day about how my feelings about pregnancy - or, more specifically, getting pregnant - have evolved over time.

Of course those feelings started out as they do in most women - Oh, please God, NO! Not Now! Anything but this! Not now!! ...PHEW!

Then, things changed after I got married and we decided to start "trying". The first few times I POAS*, it was actually kind of weird - like I was being bad or something! I spent so long trying to prevent two lines, and now I was hoping, excited, and almost craving them to appear.

When I got my first positive, I was over the moon excited! We were starting our family! Wow! How amazing is my body to be able to do this!? I wonder if it'll be a boy or girl? What names will will we choose? How will we decorate the nursery?

Then, it happened. I had a miscarriage. Dreams crash and shatter.

We picked up the pieces and started "trying" again. This time, waiting to see those lines appear isn't exciting. Instead it's nerve wracking. What will happen this time? Will it happen again? That ignorant bliss of getting pregnant the first time after deciding to try is washed away forever.

That story ends happily with the birth of Evan, but with some unexpected hardships shortly after.

Then a few years later we decide to "try" for #2. This time waiting for the lines isn't exciting either. It's more filled with thoughts like "are we sure?" or "what are we doing?" or "is this a mistake?" or , but also --- "woah..family of four!?" and "we'll be complete!".

Then, it happened again. I had another miscarriage. Sadness takes over and and hopes dashed.

So, back to "trying" again and waiting for those lines is nerve wracking again, but for so many more reasons. Will I have another miscarriage? Are we doing the right thing by adding another child to our family? Can we handle it?

Then, Carter arrives, safe and sound in a perfect-for-me birth. And then, my brain bleeds. Stroke, caused by pregnancy.

We were never planning on having a 3rd anyway, but now that choice has been taken away because I would be at risk of having another stroke. Even without Evan and Carter depending on having a mother, that's not a chance I'd be willing to take.

So, now at 35, my feelings about getting pregnant are back at square-one again: scared shitless. But for much different and "weightier" reasons. Not because it would put a hamper on my life, or put things on hold for a bit, but because it would literally mean a choice between life and death --- either mine or the baby's. That's not a decision I want to make.

*Peed on a stick - sounds so much nicer as an acronym, don't you think?